That staement "when it rains it pours" it is so true. I find myself in a time where I have no time to do anything. I have neglected my kids, my house is a mess, Trevor is having trouble in school, Triston is also having some trouble at school but in a different way. Don and I seem to be working so much that we don't see eachother. Tatum is handling things very well though I see her following in my footsteps and using food as her escape from the issues that are before her. I'm so blessed to be able to have the funds to put her in sports and keep her active.
Trevor has never been a good student but rather an excellent athelete. He is in danger of failing a class and I know that part of it is becuase I'm not home at night to be able to push him to get his homework done. As a parent I know that I can only do so much and that he has to take what I have taught him the rest of the way but yet I feel this heavy burden that I havn't taught him enough. I know that he wants to go to college and possibly play football and I know that he wants to drive but Don and I have put a GPA requirment for him to even get his learners permit. For insurance purposes he has to have at least a 3.0 and we have asked him to strive for a 3.5.
Triston is having problems with bullying other kids. Fortunately we have this teacher that is trying to work with him instead of just suspending him from school. I don't know where he has learned this or why he does it. We have a loving family enviroment and we are always there for him whenever he has any issues but he doesn't talk much to us. I had him go and talk to a counselor but we are not sure if we want him to continue that . It breaks my heart that he feels that he needs to get attention when it seems that he is the one that is constently getting it from us at home.
Tatum is the watcher of the group. She watches all the stuff that is going on and just trys to stay out of it. I find that she escapes into her room to listen to music or reads. She enjoys her sports and does what she can to do well. I feel that she often gets left behind because we have to deal with all the things the boys are doing wrong.
As for Don and I as discussed above I have been working a lot. It has been very stressful and it is obviously affecting my attitude. Don has been so good and is adjusting his schedule to help out more with the kids. He pickes them up 2 days a week and is home in time to take them to activities on another day. I get home in time to get them to activities 2 days a week and all the others get home between 9 and 10:00opm. My house is a mess and the refridgerator is bare so we eat out a lot. I get home late at night and am so tired in the morning that Don gets up with the kids almost everyday and gets them off to school. I feel like the worst mother on the face of the earth. My job doesn't even pay me enough to be this tired and this distant from my family. But now my income is needed It has allowed us to do many things to the house (as is shown)
and there is so much more that needs to be done. As you can see in the pictures we planted grass but I need to get my plants and flowers, a new garage door, and new entry door. Also the other side of the front of the house needs to be done with siding. So it isn't like I can quit and in these uncertain times who knows if our stores will continue to make a profit. I know that soon the family is going to have to work on Sunday afternoons to cut down on payroll.
and there is so much more that needs to be done. As you can see in the pictures we planted grass but I need to get my plants and flowers, a new garage door, and new entry door. Also the other side of the front of the house needs to be done with siding. So it isn't like I can quit and in these uncertain times who knows if our stores will continue to make a profit. I know that soon the family is going to have to work on Sunday afternoons to cut down on payroll. I know that I'm not the only one that is going through issues like this but I feel so alone. I really have no one to talk to and I feel very similar to my friend Jodi who has lost her mom recently. Love you Jodi. Maybe I'm the one who needs to talk to a counselor.
Don and I are going away in December with no kids and are going to go with some friends to Las Vegas. Maybe that will be the pick me up needed to get back on track. I know that I need to learn balance and maybe writing this blog entry will help me start to do that.
No one said that Parenting or being married was easy and I'm willing to take on the challenges.
"God please help me with my patience and guide me in the direction that you need me to go you are my savior and my provider thank you for never giving up on me and teaching me that life is never perfect everyone goes through their own trials and challenges. Lord please help Jodi get through this tough time and help guide her to understand that her mom is not gone but with you watching over her and her family. Please look after my family and help me draw them closer to you I know that if they new you they would feel safe always even in the absence of me. AMEN"
2 comments:
Hey sweety, you know "we may not have it all together,but together we have it all." And despite today, there are some shining moments. Triston can be so thoughtful sometimes (even sweet and innocent) And if Trev is getting an A in Lit- well that would just be amazing. And of course Tatum is our glue. And remember, most every nite the last thing the boys tell me is "tell mom I love her". AND Vegas is soooo close. I can't wait. i love ya lots.- Donnie
I feel your pain. I know how hard your job is, from the other side of course. Ken is rarely home to help with kid activities, and if I plan on him for something, he will inevitably schedule a meeting that night. The beginning DE years are the hardest. Stick it out and it can be a very rewarding career. Looking forward to blowing off some steam on Saturday. Round one on me. Maybe we should just start with the Adios MF and see where the night leads us.
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