Looking up

Things are looking much brighter lately. I have had some great time with family and that always seems to help when I'm feeling down. June 25th is Don's birthday and we are trying to plan a trip to Las Vegas with just the two of us that should be fun. I think we are going to stay downtown as we got a free night stay or something like that. I guess because I gamble so much what can I say I love it so much it makes me happy.  With the family he still hasn't decided what he wants to do. Some ideas were the beach, Medieval times, or just going to dinner but he can't make up his mind. 

We leave for Jamaica in 61 days or 9 weeks the whole family is so excited. It is now time to start buying clothes and all the items that we need to take (like my video camera). To say the least we are counting down the days. 

The kids are still involved in all their activities though softball ended and baseball is about to end. Trevor and Don are going white water rafting this weekend with Trevor's wrestling team and Triston, Tatum and I are going June 5,6,7 with Tatum's Girl Scout Troop. Tatum has basketball starting up here pretty soon as well. I love basketball season. 

Well that is our family update for now. 

Thanks for listening

What is wrong with me

Lately I have been feeling very depressed. There are many things that I could attribute this to but I feel like I should have been able to move on but I can't and it is affecting all areas of my life.

 

1) my father in law passed away 3 weeks ago. Don and I have been having a hard time dealing with this loss. We feel the need to get work done as fast as we can so that we can come home and be with our kids. That isn't a bad thing except that we aren't getting the work done and just coming home. I know for me I'm way behind and I have been forgetting lots of things that I was supposed to do and with my job everyone is walking on egg shells just trying not to get fired

2) I'm constantly worrying about Trevor and his grades for school. He is maintaining a 2.0 but is capable of so much more. I want him to want to do well and give a hundred % in his sports but that is not him. He is lazy. I have tried many things to get him motivated but nothing is working. Even driving is not a big enough motivator I have come to terms that I will be lucky if he even decides to attend college but I wanted so much more for him. I wanted more for him then what I did.

3) I can't decide if I want to continue working. I think that this thought is directly related to number 1 but I can't move past it. I work because I need the interaction and recognition and I don't think that I get enough of it at home. The work atmosphere used to to do that but not now. All the kudos and slap on the backs for a great job are to few and in between. I like the extra money so that we can do all the things that we want and I don't want to lose that but I don't know how much longer I can take this. Now is not the time to look for another job but maybe I should.

4) Don and I are going through some personal issues though I'm not sure that he knows about it at least he pretends that he doesn't. To say the least I like to be spontaneous and I liked the love letters and the closeness that we used to have but where has it all one.  I'm trying to work on that but hope that he will get on board 

I believe that all 4 of these items can be taken care of with me and my attitude. My self esteem needs an attitude adjustment but I'm lost on where to start. I have a long road and it isn't going to be easy. I will get there and hope that it doesn't take as long as I think. 

Thanks for listening

Arizona trip

I just got back from Arizona for a weekend get away. I left on Friday at 1:50pm and I made the 7 hour drive all by myself. There were several people supposed to come but they all backed out the week of the trip which totally pissed me off but oh well I did have a friend that drove his own car (he was staying an extra day) and followed me. On Saturday we went sight seeing at the local national park it was wonderful. The weather was around 88 degrees the entire weekend. Saturday night we had a Karaoke night at one of the local bars. We had such a great time. The locals didn't like us very much we were a little crazy for them. They were an older crowd. 

On another note everyone is doing well. Donnie and I celebrated our 16 wedding anniversary on May 2nd and we are looking forward to Mother's Day. We are going to have everyone over for a swim day and a Hot Dog and Burger dinner.